Five lessons about kids and parenting
By Veronique Christensen — Thursday, September 6th, 2007
You know, sometimes you need to hear a complete stranger talk before you hear the obvious.
It was Back to School Night a couple days ago and the school’s principal had invited parent coach and educator, Susan Stone Belton to give a speech. It was a short talk, but man, did it pack a punch for me.
Five Lessons About Kids
- Kids act their worst when they feel the safest. This is good to know. I’m glad my kids feel extra safe at home and with our friends and family
- Kids want and need your attention more than anything so reward the behaviors you like with attention, and ignore the ones you don’t. If you have one kid shooting peas at the dinner table, and another behaving properly, reward the one who is behaving with your full attention. “Ignore the pea-shooter!”
- Kids need to make their own choices and deal with the consequences. Say your kid wants to go out on a cold day without wearing a jacket. Let ‘em. Next time you can count on his making a good choice.
- Relax and enjoy your kids more. If your child is driving you crazy, pretend he isn’t yours. Other people’s kids are funny. And don’t forget to laugh!
- Grades don’t matter. Celebrate effort, not scores. The whole point is to learn the love of learning. [this was a funny one for this particular audience because our school does not give grades]
Five Lessons for Parents
- Always sign up for pick-up duty when carpooling. You’ll get to hear the best stories.
- Listen more than you talk.
- If your kid is fussy/obnoxious, feed ‘em or put them to bed. (it works!!)
- Don’t yell, they’re watching and learning.
- Act the way you want your kids to act and be the adult you’d like them to grow up to be.
What’s funny is that I actually sat through Susan’s presentation twice just to make sure it really sunk in. I still have a temper and get cranky if I’m too hot or hungry, but the past couple days I’ve been so much more conscious of when I’m speaking at my kids instead of with them. That alone made hauling my butt to an extra three hours of meetings at the end of an excruciatingly long day totally worth it.
wow, thanks for this great post and for sharing your newly found wisdom. i love it when my way of thinking and acting are transformed for the better… I am very inspired to be a better more conscious parent! Patricia
My son has “issues,” which I won’t get into in the comments section. Suffice it to say, it takes a HUGE amount of patience to parent him. However, I have noticed that if he is on the verge of a meltdown, food often works. I am the same way. If I am hungry, everyone WATCH OUT!
For the longest time I thought I was a horrible parent because my children act like devils at home. But then an educator told me what you learned, that they act their worst when they feel safest.
And sometimes, it’s REALLY difficult to ignore the pea shooters
what a great list. so nice to be reminded, sometimes – isn’t it? couldn’t have come at a better moment for me. thanks for sharing.
I love this post. I really needed these reminders to put things in perspective this week. I referenced your post on my blog today.
Thanks again.
What a great list to share–I love #4 on the first list. I have to say that if your kids can feel even half of the love that shines through on your blog, I am sure they feel safe (hahaha) and cherished.
With five kids, these words of wisdom should be applied as second nature, but the truth is this gentle reminder has fallen on very appreciative ears.
(As long as I am not tempted to make them feel unsafe … -wry humor by the way).
My mom taught me, my sister and my brother how to shoot peas off our spoons at dinner one night. Seriously. My dad could only roll his eyes. It was such a simple way to have a family laugh, I remember it fondly 35 years later.